Emotionally Safe ... Or Homeless

S

(Psalm 90:1) Lord, Your have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God.


O
Moses wrote this while wandering in the desert, escaping the ravages of Pharaoh's hard-heartedness. Hard-heartedness is abusive and leads to homelessness. Through Pharaoh's life, we see it defined: it's "me" measuring people's value only according to their ability to serve me and provide pleasure or some other benefit to me--that, and refusing to take advantage of the opportunities God provides for repentance. It describes our natural, human condition. In the midst of this pervasive abuse, God's love ever exists as a permanent refuge, even while wandering homelessly in emotional and relational deserts.


A (Psychological)
Dr. Huffine described emotional homelessness as one of the cumulative effects of abuse: "While one of the leading causes of homelessness among women and children is domestic violence, every woman (and child) who has been abused is emotionally homeless. A home is not simply a living space, but a place where a person feels safe, comfortable, and can be themselves, acting how they wish to act. In fact, for many, their home is the only place they can fully behave the way they wish. However, in an abusive home, the victim is unable to act fully the way she wishes for many reasons. Likewise, she does not feel emotionally safe, especially when the abuser is present. In that manner, every abused woman is emotionally homeless, even if she does have a physical place to live in."


A (Personal)
Even though I've never experienced domestic violence, I have discovered the reality of God's presence, so I, like Moses, don't have to be emotionally homeless even in abusive social settings. God is my eternal resting place, my safe home where I can be fully myself, even in my imperfections. Like Moses, therefore, pray that God would "teach me to number my days so I may get a heart of wisdom" (verse 12).


P
Lord, because Your mercies are new every morning, satisfy me early each morning with Your steadfast love so I may rejoice and be glad all my days. Let Your work be shown to Your servant and Your glorious power to all of Your children. Let Your favor and beauty rest upon us, and establish the works of our hands for the healing of the nations.

Finally Together!

S

(Romans 8:16) The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

O

His witness, how do we recognize it? In the previous verse, He reveals that. From deep within us, He excites us to exclaim to God: "Father!" He knows and is always reminding us in ways that excite the hope, the insight, the dream, the desire that God is good: He is merciful, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and (by no means) clearing the guilty (Exodus 34:6-7). When our spirits respond to acknowledge that, we--according to these verses--are speaking in perfect harmony with the Holy Spirit (Galatians 4:16).

A (Psychological)

Consider the possibility of God's Holy Spirit dwelling in people. This is not schizophrenia--delusions, hallucinations (visual or auditory), disorganized speech and behavior, paranoia, and the absence of good behaviors, specifically the absence of appropriate emotions (affective flattening), poverty of speech (alogia), and decisiveness ability to have or to achieve basic goals (avolition). No, the presence and freedom of the Holy Spirit--the witness of His presence--is quite the opposite. It correlates with mental health and is evidenced by logical thinking, healthy emotions, and positive relationships (Romans 8:14-17; James 1:2-8; 2 Timothy 1:6-7; 1 Peter 3:8-16).

Consider, also, how different history (and our lives) would have been if Mary had abused or neglected Jesus. Yet that abuse of the Holy Spirit (based on the revelation of God's trinitarian relationship) is exactly what we are advised to not do: Don't quench--suffocate--Him (1 Thessalonians 5:19). Do strengthen and equip Him (1 Peter 1:13, 10-25). Don't neglect Him (1 Peter 4:7-11). As much as counselors and therapists have learned to strictly value confidentiality, we're also mandated to speak out, to voice our private concerns when we believe vulnerable people (minors, elderly, or handicapped people) have been abused, and recognizing signs of abuse is part of our training. The answer to our spiritual abuse of the Holy Spirit is to speak up, to voice with Him the things that need to be corrected in us as well as the eternal truths of God's goodness.

A (Personal)

This revelation of God as my Father--no, more than the revelation, it's in my responsive and intentional cry to Him--that I find the evidence that I'm His child. Unfortunately, many supposedly spiritual advisers advocate the reverse order: discover first that you're "god's child" (however god is defined), then you'll find your spiritual family. That's an endless, fruitless, uncertain pursuit. Once my eyes were opened, I saw that I fit perfectly into the "continuum of sonship" that He described in Luke 10. In my unrepentant, undiscerning, unredeemed state, I fluctuated between being the the wayward, independent prodigal son on some days and the foolishly self-reliant, slavishly distant elder son on other days. Even now, my constancy and hope isn't found in the fickleness of my character, but in the steadfastness of His goodness. I see my identity accurately to the extent that I correct my perception of God, my heavenly Father.

P
Heavenly Father--Dad--thank You for first loving me and revealing Your goodness to me. My search for identity was endlessly confused, uncertain, and fruitless until I abandoned my fight against You. I'm so glad You proved Your long-suffering patience and mercy towards You. I'm so glad Your Holy Spirit awakened my emotions, convictions, desires, and testimony ... enough to cry out to You and discover whom You see me as being. What hope! What a relief! What encouragement! Thanks, Dad.

Embarrassing Grace

S

(Romans 1:6,7) ... You are the called of Jesus Christ ... beloved of God, called [to be] saints: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

O

Although he'd not yet met these Roman men, women, or children, Paul clearly understood how God viewed them: Through Jesus, God had called (invited, welcomed, and appointed) them to be His own family. They were powerfully yet tenderly loved as only their creator could demonstrate. Despite their histories of shameful failures and varying degrees of moral maturity (and immaturity, as Paul eventually discovered once he got to know them), the Holy Spirit, nonetheless, called them saints--people perfectly clean, totally accepted, and completely dedicated to God.

A (Personal)

I'm overwhelmed by the effectiveness of Jesus' cross--that it could so alter God's view of me, too, that I, like these ancient Romans, could be not only accepted and but invited by God, but also called and embraced as His highly favored child. By discovering His love, I learn that I can safely trust Him. That trust turns into a rich and responsive love for Him. The more I love Him, and trust His love for me, the more naturally I delight in obeying Him, which leads to ever-expanding, inexhaustible discoveries of His love.

A (Psychological)

Our ability to love people, though unspeakably meager in contrast to God's ability, is still our most powerful aid for helping others. It's hard work. Dr. Huffine created Allies in Change, a program for working with society's most unlovable people--batterers of women, children (and men). This program is in contrast to shame-based models that merely use a larger hammer of power and abuse to effect behavioral changes. Allies in Change treats its clients with respect, while still holding them both responsible and accountable for their behaviors. It helps them develop moral honesty, as well as cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills for stopping their abusive or violent behaviors. Over a century ago, theologian Alexander Maclaren was particularly insightful when he commented on this verse: "You cannot argue a man into loving God, any more than you can hammer a rosebud open... So a God who has only claims upon us will never be a God to whom we yield ourselves. A God who has love for us will be a God to whom it is blessed that we should be consecrated, and so saints."

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Lord, Your love for me is almost embarrassing--I have hope when others have none. I have joy in spite of my circumstances because I'm know that Your soon-to-be-revealed good purposes are at work for me even in tough circumstances. I have Your own peace available to me anytime simply by coming into Your presence to bask in Your love. Kings and emperors would have been jealous of all You do for me. I am so deeply grateful for You!