Converting Hard Questions into Gold

S

(1 Kings 10:2-3) . . . And when she came to Solomon, she told him all that was on her mind, and Solomon answered all her questions . . .

O

The Queen of Sheba came to Solomon to test him with hard questions. She came, burdened, too, with valuable gifts for him--much gold--and left, utterly impressed with the happiness of the people who were blessed to live with him. Life was excellent for Solomon because (at least at this point in his life) he understood the simile that his construction of his personal relationships was like constructing and outfitting a house: "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches" (Proverbs 24:3,4). The main tools for this regal relationship construction was primarily attentive listening and caring, all for the purpose of gaining a better understanding.

A (Personal)

Centuries later, Jesus' disciple, Peter, elaborated on this truth and applied it to marital relationships: husbands are to "live with their wives in an understanding way" (1 Peter 3:7). To do this like Solomon at his best, it requires (1) being graciously receptive to hard test questions. If that is done generously, it leads to (2) even more listening so the wife feels safe enough to tell "all that is on her mind." Finally, the proof of successfully living with understanding is in (3) satisfactorily answering all her questions (not in answering them in ways that answer, instead, questions that I have reshaped to fit the answers I want to provide).

A (Psychological)

Ken Nair (1995) addressed this very concept when he wrote The Key to Becoming a Strong and Irresistible Husband is ... Discovering the Mind of a Woman. In this book, he postulates that in most cultures, men typically maintain four primary prejudices against women: (1) Women are impossible to understand, (2) Women are the real problem, (3) Women are inferior to men, and (4) Men are supposed to be "the boss." These, as Nair points out, are fundamentally unbiblical positions. It's no wonder, then, that these prejudicial cognitive distortions are socially and psychologically destructive.

P

Lord, teach me, please, how to live with Sue with understanding, so I can understand her way of thinking as it develops, so I can understand her emotions and desires as they shift and adjust to reflect her circumstances. Please help me complete my own identity and calling while also giving myself sacrificially to her. I want to love her as she wants to be loved. I want to understand and care for her . . . to "nourish and cherish her as You do for all of us in Your church" (Ephesians 5:29).