Emotionally Safe ... Or Homeless

S

(Psalm 90:1) Lord, Your have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God.


O
Moses wrote this while wandering in the desert, escaping the ravages of Pharaoh's hard-heartedness. Hard-heartedness is abusive and leads to homelessness. Through Pharaoh's life, we see it defined: it's "me" measuring people's value only according to their ability to serve me and provide pleasure or some other benefit to me--that, and refusing to take advantage of the opportunities God provides for repentance. It describes our natural, human condition. In the midst of this pervasive abuse, God's love ever exists as a permanent refuge, even while wandering homelessly in emotional and relational deserts.


A (Psychological)
Dr. Huffine described emotional homelessness as one of the cumulative effects of abuse: "While one of the leading causes of homelessness among women and children is domestic violence, every woman (and child) who has been abused is emotionally homeless. A home is not simply a living space, but a place where a person feels safe, comfortable, and can be themselves, acting how they wish to act. In fact, for many, their home is the only place they can fully behave the way they wish. However, in an abusive home, the victim is unable to act fully the way she wishes for many reasons. Likewise, she does not feel emotionally safe, especially when the abuser is present. In that manner, every abused woman is emotionally homeless, even if she does have a physical place to live in."


A (Personal)
Even though I've never experienced domestic violence, I have discovered the reality of God's presence, so I, like Moses, don't have to be emotionally homeless even in abusive social settings. God is my eternal resting place, my safe home where I can be fully myself, even in my imperfections. Like Moses, therefore, pray that God would "teach me to number my days so I may get a heart of wisdom" (verse 12).


P
Lord, because Your mercies are new every morning, satisfy me early each morning with Your steadfast love so I may rejoice and be glad all my days. Let Your work be shown to Your servant and Your glorious power to all of Your children. Let Your favor and beauty rest upon us, and establish the works of our hands for the healing of the nations.

Texting Tears and Tossings

Scripture
(Psalm 56:8 ESV) You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not written in Your book?


Observation
God does three things that only an extraordinarily loving parent would do: He appreciates our lost condition that is marked by our indecisive wandering and tossing about in life; He treats our tears as our shared, sacred treasures; and He writes His own narratives about us in our defense.

• Tossings (The Hebrew word for tossings is nowd, 5112). When we vacillate and are grieved and frustrated by our seemingly aimless wanderings--being shaken, tossed, agitated and lost--He sees and records our struggles to do right and our feeble attempts to find our way back to His health.
• The Hebrew word for tears is dimah [1832], which is connected to the idea of liquor. The heating, evaporating, and condensing--the distilling--of our circumstances produces strong emotions that are not unnoticed or unappreciated by God. He created these funny things called tears and He places His own value on each one of them, apparently with a much greater value than we would assign to them. Being a great pharmacist and psychologist, He knows the purpose and value of each tear.
• The Hebrew word for book is sepher [5612]. The most minute details of our lives are as fully valuable to God as our big decisions. Through His prophet Malachi (3:16,17), God reveals this process: "Then those who feared the Lord spoke with one another. The Lord paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrances was written before Him of those who feared the Lord and esteemed His name: 'They shall be mine,' says the Lord of hosts, 'in the day when I make up my treasured possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his son who serves him.' "

Application (Personal)
David was a violent man, a skilled warrior, an expert killer both of individuals and of armies. No wonder he needed a productive means of processing the powerful emotions he must have struggled with. Without his expertice or experience in killing, I'm blessed by being able to observe how he put his strong emotions to constructive use. He didn't treat them as another enemy but as a resource that helped him manage the challenges of his life. I, too, would like to have his internal strength and to be able to be as "emotionally naked" before the Lord as he was. That much better than "pulling a stupid Adam trick" and hiding my thoughts and emotionally realities from God (and me).

Application (Psychological)
David stands tall, in direct contrast to how boys are typically raised in most cultures. I'll quote and paraphrase Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen, in her book My Brother's Keeper (pp. 97-100) She discusses psychologist William Pollack and social scientists Robert Brannon and Deborah David's four cultural imperatives for boys growing up in North America today (unless they are lucky enough to be raised in a subculture that doesn't punish boys for such things:

1. Boys must never display sissy stuff. Any display of behavior or emotion associated with the feminine may become an occasion for shaming or even physical abuse. This cultural boy's code dictates that empathy is feminine, religion is feminine, small is feminine, weak is feminine, and showing distress is feminine. Boys are expected to create a network to protect or punish according to this code. Parents of both sexes typically respond with warmth and concern to their daughters' fears and encourage talking as an acceptable expression of femininity.
2. Boys must learn to become a sturdy oak--stable, stoic, and self-reliant. If he can't always be on top of the heap, he should at least "take it like a man" when adversity comes his way. In the movie Lawrence of Arabia the hero demonstrates how he can let a match burn right down to his fingertips. "Of course it hurts, " he says with a smile. "The trick, you see, is not to care that it hurts." This goes beyond merely avoiding feminine emotionality: it's the cultivation of a stoic, imperturbable persona ... a real man never worries about death or loses his manly cool. This appealling distortion of virtue accounts for many mysterious and seemingly impassible conflicts between husbands and wives.
3. Boys must learn to be a big wheel--to cultivate success and status and provoke envy and admiration in others. There are many subcultures where this can be achieved: find one where you can dominate and so you can have followers. Not having followers is failure. This leads many boys to prefer girls who massage their egos, or to abuse them until they, as in Virginia Woolf stated in a memorable phrase, they seek people who "reflect them at twice their natural size." This code stands in contrast to the healing reality of being authentic, safe, and loved while still within one's human ambiguity.
4. Boys must give 'em hell. Illegal violence is officially condemned, even while it is also modeled incessantly in the media and encouraged in boys with a wink and a nod. Boys are urged to defend themselves vigorously when attacked. The line between self-defense and aggression for the sheer fun of it is narrow in theory and often ignored in practice, especially when there is no accountability for one's actions.

In the right contexts and amounts, however, these traits are not inherently pathological--these can, indeed, be virtues that all human beings (male and female) can draw on. These traits can be used positively to serve one's community and unfold the potentials of creation.
Prayer
Perhaps a paraphrase from the conclusion of David's psalm would form the best prayer: God, whose word I trust, whose word I praise, I will trust You and not be afraid of people. What can they do to me when You are the one who truly loves and watches over me? You have delivered my soul from death and You have kept my feet from falling so I might walk before You in the light of life. Thank You for your tender mercies and lovingkindnesses.

OCD (Omni-Caring Deliverer)

S
(1 Timothy 4:15) “Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.”

O
"These things” that Paul instructed Tim to practice and immerse himself in could have referred to this whole letter or they could have referred to Paul’s more immediate instructions:

Train yourself in godliness (verse 7)

Toil and strive to achieve godliness (verse 10)

Exemplify godliness to holiness (verse 12)

Devote yourself to public readings of Scripture (verse 13)

What Paul did not instruct was perfectionism. Progress towards godliness, or even the right target of Christ-likeness, instead of perfection—successful behaviorism—was the measurement that Paul used.

A (Personal)
In light of that understanding, here are four questions I am asking myself:

1. Do I know Jesus better today than I did yesterday, a year ago or a decade ago?


2. Or more accurately, do other believers recognize my progress? (I could delude myself, so that’s why I should value the church’s measure of whether I’m progressing.)


3. Am I that humble, that submitted to the Body of Christ?


4. Do I know how the church measures me?

A (Psychological)

Hargrave and Pfitzer describe an over-developed will to control (others, self, circumstances) as one response to relational pain (violations of love and trust). That desire to be in control (i.e., perfectionism) is on the opposite spectrum of behavioral reactions to relational pain. Chaos is on the opposite end of that spectrum--life is chaotic so I might as well eat, drink, and be carelessly merry. On the emotional side of reactions to relational pain is rage on one end of the spectrum and shame (inward rage) on the other end. This is why accepting the Holy Spirit's more fair evaluations of us is so healing and helpful.

P
Jesus, I have so much to learn about Your love! You're my Holy Judge and my Personal Savior, I safely cast my life before You. I know I stand alone before You without you accepting other people’s judgment … without even my own judgment. But even in my aloneness before You, I’m never alone. You are my rock, my advocate, my champion, my deliverer. Help me, therefore, to practice being like You. Help me to truly learn to think like You and to become Your creation as You intend.

Choosing to Be a Slave

S (Scripture)

(Titus 1:1-4) Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, for the sake of the faith of God’s elect and their knowledge of the truth, which accords with godliness, in hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began and at the proper time manifested in his word through the preaching with which I have been entrusted by the command of God our Savior; to Titus, my true child in a common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior.

O (Observation)

Such a long, thoughtful introduction! Paul starts by re-introducing himself, as though the reminder was as much for himself as it was for Titus. Being aware of one's identity is always a relevant consideration.

Paul first identified himself as God's servant (slave), then as Jesus Christ's apostle (sent one). Having been so highly called and commissioned, that begged the question: Why? God's answer was that He sent Paul for the well-being, for the sake of the Church's faith and knowledge of Truth. How? When God's timing was perfectly completed, He sent Paul so Paul's preaching of the Gospel and his obedience to God's commands would cause God's eternal life to be revealed. That joy, then pressed Paul to comment on the father-son link he shared with Titus, a better family bond than what mere biological paternity bonds can only mimic at best (how awesome when the family bond is both spiritual and biological). As if that wasn't enough, Paul brought them back to to the source of this joy: grace and peace from the most benevolent Father-Son team ever.

A (Application, Personal)

As Paul matured in his faith, he described himself more frequently in terms of utter service to other people--as being indebted to everyone. Because He served God, he considered himself everyone's slave, yet without placing their authority over God's. Nonetheless, for Paul, being an apostle of Jesus Christ didn't conflict with being a voluntary slave. As a friend told me, the way to know whether you're a servant or not is whether people treat you like a servant. Do people just expect me to serve them? That, Steve, would be a good thing if they did. Hmmmm ... does my family see me as a servant? What about the people I work with or for? How about the people who live near me? My enemies?

A (Application, Psychological)

It's interesting that being a servant of Jesus Christ may well involve the same work ("duties") that slaves begrudgingly do. Jesus delivered the Ancient Hebrews from oppressive Egyptian taskmasters, yet He also sent Paul (and many others) into voluntary service that often included humble labor and sometimes even oppressive conditions. It reminds me of a couples I've counseled where one person felt trapped and overburdened with some of the relational or household "duties" (tasks necessary for the maintenance and well-being of homes or relationships)... yet these very same duties, if done with voluntary love, would be (or could be) a source of great delight. Our attitudes, motives, and beliefs are capable of turning transforming our work into miserable slavery just as effectively as it can turn it into honorable, satisfying service.

P (Prayer)

Lord, You said You reward the labor of all who serve others when we do it as unto You. As You've revealed through Your Word, I see that I can still serve You even if my "masters" don't serve You at all. I am so grateful that my fellow workers and bosses (which includes my family) are true joys to work for. Maybe they're great people. Or maybe this joy has simply been my reward from You for serving them as though I were serving You. Frankly, You've blessed me so much, it's hard to figure out why ... but I'm very grateful!

Exodus: The Great Existentialist Manifesto (and Practical Parental Priorities)

S

(Exodus 3:6-10) And [God] said, "I am the God of your father[s] ..." Then the Lord said, "I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey ... Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt."

O

In this text, God addresses what have become the great existential questions that organize humans collectively and propel humans individually. Astutely, existentialist Yalom (1980) summarized these into four definitive and ultimate issues, which collectively are themes that function as intra- and inter-personal governors. These are (1) Death, which includes lifes anxieties and limits; (2) Freedom, which includes responsibility and willing action, (3) Isolation, and (4) Meaninglessness. Within all people, these are ubiquitous imperatives (Tillich, 1952).

Regarding the issue of Death--God dismissed it. He identified Himself as the eternal "I Am." He is the present Father for past, present, and future generations even though their earthly parents (Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob) appeared to have ceased to exist (see also Matthew 22:32, Exodus 3:13-14). Regarding Freedom, God created space to share it. Despite the cruel restrictions of their Egyptian taskmasters, God eternally extended to that generation (as He does with each generation) an invitation to experience life in His presence--including all the responsibilities and privileges associated with freedom. Regarding Isolation, God denied it. Because of their circumstances, Israel believed they were alone, unheard, unseen, uncared for--they were not. Regarding Meaninglessness, God created splendor, power, and beauty out of the chaotic void of emptiness that seemed to be defining their existence.

A (Personal)

From having read the whole of God's Word, I know that I have been adopted into God's family even though--like a wild, unfruitful branch that was grafted into a healthy tree--I didn't come with any personal merits ... or so I thought. What I have also come to learn, though, is that by experiencing God's presence, by being barefoot and sensitive to His holiness and goodness, I learn that I, like anything or anyone else, have value. God creates value in my soul. God is, indeed, the "God and Father of mercies, the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings" (2 Corinthians 3:2-11). He is the eternal I AM.

A (Psychological)

Play therapists seem to have gotten more than their fair share of insights into how humans work. Unlike adults, whose natural medium of communication is through language, children's natural medium of organizing and figuring out the world is through their natural, spontaneous, enjoyable, voluntary, and non-goal-oriented play. God made children so that in their creative process of playing, they, as Garry Landreth wrote, "learn to live in our symbolic world of meanings and values, at the same time exploring and experimenting and learning their own individual ways" (Play Therapy, 2002, p. 10).

Interestingly parallel to Exodus 3, Landreth (p 204-206) wrote that the play therapist's primary responsibility in the therapeutic relationship can be summarized in four healing messages, which therapists should work hard to communicate at all times--not just in words but in his or her total person:

1. I AM HERE (Nothing will distract me. I will be fully present physically, mentally, and emotionally.)


2. I HEAR YOU. (I will listen fully with my ears and eyes to everything about the child, what is expressed and what is not expressed.)


3. I UNDERSTAND. (I want the child to know that I understand what he or she is communicating, feeling, experiencing, and playing ... the inner depth and meaning of the child's experience ... and that I am still accepting this child.)


4. I CARE. (I really do care about this little person and I want her or him to really know that. If these first three messages are clearly perceived, the therapist will not be perceived as a threat and will be permitted into the child's world.)

P

Lord, so often my world makes no sense and seems way beyond my ability to control or direct. I can't put into words how safe I feel--how comforted I am--by Your presence, knowing that you are ever present for me. You truly strain to listen for my voice. You delight in understanding how I see and how I distortedly view my life ... and despite all that (who knows, perhaps even because of all that), You truly care for me. Amazing. Thank You. I remove my protective shoes before You so I can be increasingly sensitive to where You want me to be and what You want me to do. Amen!

Uber-Manly

S

(1 Corinthians 16:13,14) Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

O

When instructed to act like men, "men" is not the generic term anthropos, which connotes human and is inclusive of males and females. Instead, men (andrizomai) is from aner, which is specifically male or husband. So, a paraphrase of Paul's instruction the the entire Corinthian church could read: (1) be awake (gregoreuo), alert, and on prayerful guard-duty; (2) be stationary (stethos), pursevere in joining yourselves into the full benefits of relating to Jesus and all that His kingdom offers; (3) be an idealized version of men--like a good husband or father or brother in the best sense of that concept; (4) be people who grow stronger (krataioo) while invigorating and empowering others; and in summary, as if to make sure these Corinthians rise to the fullness of being sanctified and redeemed in Christ, (5) be guided and governed by God's love (agape), the Great Liberator.

A (Personal)

Reading these instructions is like becoming drunk with hope: could my life really be this good? Is this really how God sees me and how He has designed me to be? Are these words useable as directions for working out how I relate to people today and how I arrange my tasks? Is God' design for me really achievable? With practice in this godliness, that's exactly who I'm becoming. This is tremendous!

A (Psychological)

Elliott Rosen (contributing to Carter and McGolderick's book The Expanded Family Life Cycle, 1999) describes the earliest roots American "maleness" as typified in the "oedipal revolt of the Sons of Liberty against Father England." He said that American men have always had anxiety about gender, that our eighteenth century descriptor, "self-made man" was a primary category by which men try to define themselves. He even goes so far as to define homophobia not as a fear of homosexuals but a universal fear of other men. Instead, he says that men don't fear women but they fear being ashamed or humiliated in front of other men or being dominated by other men. This dilemma of male identity is greatly pronounced, he says, in the Black men, who, with their legacy of slavery and oppression, have been faced with the agonizing task of reclaiming manhood that was stolen from them as part of their initiation into America. This task, I suggest, is more universal than we might suspect (without diminishing the injustices that various subgroups of humanity have suffered). In Christ, we are all discovering the new creation that we can all become in Christ, liberated from the fear and oppression that sin-filled people have imposed on each other.

P

Lord, I know that in You there is neither male nor female, but the best of both (Galatians 3:28; Ephesians 1:22,23; 2 Corinthians 5:17). I know that "stationary and stand" suggest resistance to whom You want me to be, just as "strong" suggests habits of incompetence ... but I have so much to be thankful for. These thing also suggest the changes You are creating in me and the resources You've made available to bless me with. As I look, today, to enjoy loving and trusting You, help me to be alert to the opportunities You provide for me to be the new man that I am in You.

Uniting a Cast of Thousands

S

(Titus 2:15-3:3) Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no on disregard you. Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

O

Scholar-imposed chapter and verse breaks--as convenient as they are--blur the author's stream of thought. Paul gave Titus these 11 strikingly dissimilar directives as one continuous thought. Outsiders reading his letter might think Paul advocated Titus becoming a multi-personality leader. The end of chapter 2 directs Titus to act like (what culture might call) an alpha male: "Declare, exhort, rebuke ... with all authority." That is followed immediately by directing him to be, culturally speaking, a beta female: "Be submissive ... obedient ... ready for every good work ... never speaking evil ... never quarreling, always gentle, always perfectly courteous." Evidently, the Holy Spirit is shattering our cultural notions of proper masculinity and femininity: both ideals are required for both sexes, without diminishing the strength and majesty of either.

A (Psychological)

Through years of work as a psychotherapist, R Schwartz developed what he calls the Internal Family Systems Model (IFS). I summarize it this way: each person is a composite of subpersonalities each with its own viewpoint, qualities, perspective, interests, goals, and memories. Each part has a positive motive to protect the person from pain, even though its method creates dysfunction. Jay Earley said, “You can think of [these subpersonalities] as little people inside us…. We all have parts like the inner critic, the abandoned child, the pleaser, the angry part, and the loving caretaker.” The IFS solution is to unite these enough to create a working, trusting relationship with this “internal family system;” thereby, creating a whole self.

IFS recognizes three subpersonality types: Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters. In their extreme roles, they create dysfunction: (1) Managers act preemptively and authoritatively to protect self from the external pain of other people or the internal pain of the other subpersonalities—primarily the Exile. (2) Exiles have been wounded by unresolved trauma, shame, and fear (often from childhood, but not exclusively). Managers and Firefighters try to keep the Exile exiled (away from consciousness or influence). (3) Firefighters become active when Exiles demand attention. Firefighters distract self from Exile by engaging in impulsive behaviors like over-eating, over-drinking, stealing, worrying, fighting, or fornication; or they try to silence the Exile by using more acceptable distractions of over-working, over-meditating, or over-spiritualizing issues.

For some people, this psychological metaphor may help conceptualize the internal strife people experience. Interestingly, Paul’s letter, when read with “IFS glasses,” provides solutions for one’s internal manager, exile, and firefighter. Pretty amazing stuff!

A (Personal)

How can one person be such extremes of personality, whether it's an internal manager, exile, or firefighter (as Schwartz describes) or whether it's a powerful rebuker, a submitter to all authorities, or an ever-gracious and gentle encourager (as Paul directs)? Yet internally, we often swing between aggressor and victim, friend and foe, and disciplined and chaotic. Unfortunately, too, we often drag others into our dark moods and misdirected exhortations. The answer I've found is moving deeper into Christ's love. He models the perfection of all subpersonalities within each of us while He heals us: "For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us ..." (Titus 3:3-4).

P

Wonderful Savior, when I feel weak and exiled, restore my strength and be My Redeemer. When I am wounded, be my healer comforter. When I am strong, temper that with Your humility. When I am with others who need Your presence, help me to be to them what they need from You so they might recognize Your love sooner.

Love and Freedom

S

(John 13:34-35) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this, all people will know that you are My disciples.

O

The "this" that Jesus referred to was His people's assimilation of God's love: (1) Receive it for yourself, (2) Give it away to everyone, (3) Own up to the new identity as being both a disciple of Jesus and a crazy-lover of people, like He is. What's even more surprising about this commandment is its context. What prompted Jesus to say that was the events that immediately preceded that command: He served the final Passover meal to his disciples (including Judas), He washed His disciples' feet (including Judas's), and He released Judas to actively betray both Him and his fellow disciples. Jesus' love included serving His betrayer, without betraying or exposing or hindering him. Respecting people's freedom to be idiots is part of agape love.

A (Personal)

I've learned long ago that God's love is to be received, experienced and enjoyed, and given away--and in that process, to discover that the more it's given it away, the more deeply and tangibly it's experienced and recognized by a watching, awestruck world. What I don't understand is how to balance that with this granting freedom to be foolish or destructive. Isn't my will ... my good intentions ... my better understanding sufficient to override your choice if mine is better?

When zealous, well-meaning crowds tried to forcibly make Jesus king--at the wrong time, with the wrong method, for the wrong purpose--Jesus foiled their plans. When jealous, malevolent crowds (perhaps some of the same people) wanted to toss Jesus over a cliff or later to stone Him--a premature murder attempt--Jesus quietly foiled their plans again. Jesus doesn't participate in evil or even foolishness, but He discerns when it's best to give us freedom to act out our idiocies. Sometimes He saves us from ourselves, but always whatever He does is love.

A (Psychological)

Preventing suicide ... preventing abuse ... preventing divorce. How much freedom do we have to impose my (our) will on someone else? How much power or control do we have against such things? How much moral authority do we have? Does the possibility of success have anything to do with whether we should attempt interventions? People who are among the few professions or individuals who have struggled to organize these ethical burdens have some idea how difficult these decisions can be in real circumstances. Like other professions, psychology is just beginning to labor through and unravel these issues, and (forgive the triteness) those who have started this struggle have equipped themselves better than those of us who haven't engaged in this struggle.

Prayer

Lord, Your love is so much greater than anything I can comprehend. Your care for Your betrayers is shocking. I want to both receive and give away Your love. I know--speaking as one of Your betrayers--I am eternally grateful for Your mercy. Without the freedom You gave me to sin, I would have never realized how dark and corrupt my heart is without Your transforming love. O Lord, teach me all over again how to love people with Your love.

Tale of Two Families

S

(Acts 18:9,10) And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, "Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you, for I have many people in this city who are my people."

O

Paul--with Aquila and Priscilla, and with Silas, and with Timothy--had a fruitful ministry with the Gentiles there in Corinth. The threats from the Jews had frightened Paul enough for him to consider retiring in silence. It would have been catastrophic for the world if the Corinthian Church had not struggled through--and Paul, specifically, would have suffered great and unnecessary disappointment. So he stayed there for his full 18-month, Holy Spirit appointment.

A (Personal)

In shocking honesty, the Holy Spirit recorded a subsequent attack made against Paul. It turned out that Paul (unlike Sothenes) was not physically harmed, but this close call very nearly contradicted the Holy Spirit's earlier promise, quoted above. The closeness of this attack must had been confusing, theologically and relationally disconcerting. From this multi-layered crisis, it is apparent that the development and maturation of our faith--will I trust God in either pain or suffering?--is more precious than our accumulation of wealth, our comfort, or even our security (1 Peter 1:6,7). Jesus is our only reliable wealth, comfort, or security even if He calls us into a season of sharing His suffering. He remains our all-in-all even if He calls us into circumstances that risk us perceiving Him as being indifferent or unreliable. He eventually proves Himself to be right and trustworthy.

A (Historical)

Gallio, the proconsul of Achaia, is an important part of this prophetic message. (He is the magistrate that Paul was brought to.) When the Romans sent a governor into that country, Adam Clarke researched, they called him the "Governor of Achaia" not the Governor of Greece, because when the Romans conquered the Greeks, the Achaians were the leaders of all Greek affairs--they were the leaders of leaders. Gallio was born Marcus Annaeus Novantus, but after being adopted into the Gallio family, he took the name Lucius Junius Gallio. History also tells us that Gallio was the elder brother of the celebrated Stoic philosopher Seneca and the brother of Annaeus (who was the father of the still-revered poet Lucan).

This family got along well apparently. Seneca described Gallio as a man of "most amiable mind and manners, of the sweetest disposition, affable to all, and beloved of every man." Yet, despite his charm and winsomeness among his peers, he turned a deaf ear toward Paul's defense and a blind eye toward the social injustice that we brought before his area of leadership and responsibility. These Gallio brothers were well positioned in power and popularity. Seneca was also Nero's preceptor (the headmaster overseeing the young Caesar's tutelage). Gallio, with all his worldly power and privilege, chose to find his security in the power of Rome and the affections of people instead of being open to God's grace. In time, all three brothers--Gallio, Annaeus, and Seneca--were put to death by Nero.

A (Psychological)

Griffin and Tyrrell (Family Therapy Magazine, Nov-Dec 2008, pp. 26-30) describe our need for meaning. Our healthy sense that life has meaning and purpose comes from our motivation to actively engage with the world. Only when we lose the motivational energy that promotes social engagement does the sense that life is meaningful drain away. We experience this innate life-has-meaning sense as emotional needs, which include the following needs:

1. Security—safe territory in the home and outside where we can live without experiencing excessive fear and anxiety.
2. Volition—a sense of autonomy and control over what is happening around and to us
3. Attention—receiving it, abut also giving it
4. Emotional connection with other people—both individually (friendship, love, intimacy) and communally (respect, status)
5. Privacy—time to reflect and consolidate our experiences
6. Value—a sense of competence and achievement
7. Meaning and Purpose—this comes from being stretched mentally or physically (or both)

They cite three ways to achieve meaning: (1) Serving—and being responsible for other people, (2) Learning and doing more—pushing oneself to develop new skills, and (3) Belief framework (religious, spiritual, political, or philosophical)—these help us focus our fragmented consciousness on a bigger picture.

So another fundamental law: If our innate needs are met well, we are mentally healthy—we cannot be otherwise. When they are not being met, however, our anxiety levels rise and we start to worry. This is the beginning, not only of depression, but of all mental illness. It follows that from what Griffin and Tyrrell have outlined that the only answer there ever will be to mental distress is to create a culture where as many people as possible get their innate needs met on an ongoing basis. That sounds like a normal Church--a reason for Paul to not retire in silence ... or us either.

P

Lord, because there is always much more going on, much more at stake than I can ever perceive or understand, help me to remain available to Your leadership. In all my decisions, I choose to be a simple, loving and faithful servant of Yours. Help me to remember my place in Your grace--never deserving it, but always ready to humbly receive it and generously share its bounty.

Under Golden (Heavy) Yokes

S

(Matthew 11:6) And blessed is the one who is not offended by Me.

O

That statement concluded Jesus' reply to John the Baptist's inquiry. John was in Herod's prison and sinking, suffocating below the weight of his doubts. In context, Jesus' reply is rich in confounding mystery: If Jesus is the Messiah, the long-awaited Christ, then no wonder the blind came to see, the lame walked, lepers were cleansed, and the deaf heard. But why did Jesus also leave John--His own cousin--in Herod's custody, only to be later executed as a drunken party favor (14:19)? In Jesus' supreme confidence, He praised John's wisdom and works (11:19). With even more shocking confidence, Jesus called Jehovah His Father and said that God gave Him all things--and that if anyone (like John) who follows Him will carry light yokes and find rest for their souls (11:25-30). Jesus' words are more world-spinning than alcohol.

A (Personal)

Does Jesus offend me? Do His words "throw me and my schemes into ruin"? That is the Greek meaning of offense--skandalizo. If His words don't wholly disrupt and ruin my ambitions, then I've not yet heard Him. If I've learned to wholly receive His words so I take His yoke and learn from Him (11:29), then I am truly blessed ... I'll find rest for my soul. Why? Because His ambitions for my life are always infinitely better than my ambitions, even if--in confounding mystery--He leaves me in jail.

A (Psychological)

In the world of Batterer Interventions, where perpetrators of domestic and intimate-partner violence receive therapy, some clinicians teach the "Platinum Rule." It's a twist of Jesus' words (often called Golden Rule): "Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them" (7:12). The Platinum Rule (often cited as though they'd created a better, more valuable rule than what Jesus said) is "Do for others what they would like you to do for them." It's a good intervention, but unfortunately it demonstrates being offended by Jesus. Trying to improve Jesus' words this way only betrays an ignorance of the biblical context--the platinum concept is included in the context of Jesus' words. This serves as a good reminder of the care we need when Jesus speaks: because of His over-arching goodness and greatness of who He is, He always owns the last words of any issue. Blessed are those who are not offended by His words.

P

Lord, I choose that word deliberately. I choose to call upon You for who You are--the Lord of all things, the Good Master, whose intentions toward me are gentle, whose kindness toward me is shockingly lowly of heart. You are truly mysterious in Your greatness and safe in Your closeness. Help me to more fully hear You and know You today ... even when I don't see the purpose behind Your provisions.

Unending Departures

S (Scripture)

(Jeremiah 52;10,11) The king of Babylon slaughtered the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes, and also slaughtered all the officials of Judah at Riblah. He put out the eyes of Zedekiah, and bound him in chains, and the king of Babylon took him to Babylon, and put him in prison till the day of his death.

O (Observation)

The last thing Zedekiah saw was the slaughter of his family and the "exceedingly unfaithful" officials of Judah. Then, in chains and in prison, he survived physically so his brain could continue to suffer by "digesting" the memories of what his decisions produced. Previously (which only increased his suffering), God had warned him and offered him a very different future (Jeremiah 38). For the rest of his life, he ate the fruit of having rejected God's infinitely better option.

A (Application, Psychological)

Psychiatrist Gerald May, found psychological help by studying the Christian classic, The Dark Night of the Soul. In his words, that study helped him explore the connection between darkness and spiritual growth. As Zedekiah's and Judah's stories eventually demonstrated, divine good was being recreated through the Hell that they had loosed into their world. May describes the process of God's healing this way: "Our individual stories are colored and textured by who we are as individuals and by God's unique ways of loving us--ways that can never be prescribed, only discovered" (p. 168). Not everyone chooses to remain in their darkness.

May provides hope for people in their own dark nights of the soul: "just as experiences of the night are dark because of their obscurity, experiences of the dawn are times of light, of seeing things more clearly." He noted that John (the 16th century priest who wrote the Dark Night) was quick to add that "[this] light, although divine, is not like the light of early morning or rising dawn. It continues to partake of some of the night's mystery" (p. 181). Nonetheless, "one of the developments that the morning light reveals is growing freedom, experienced as the energy of desire is liberated from the attachments that have kept it restrained. A second change is the classical transition from meditation to contemplation in prayer and the equivalent movement in the rest of life: a metamorphosis of the soul from autonomous self-determination to self-giving willingness to be led. A third change is the awakening itself: the dawning realization of our essential union with God and all creation" pp. 183-184). God made darkness His secret place; His pavilion round about Him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies. At the brightness that was before Him, His thick clouds passed (Psalm 18:11,12).

A (Application, Personal)

Even poor parents (unless they're true psychopaths) suffer when their children suffer. Hell knows the depth of pain that toxic memories cause, and Hell then exploits that for our sustained misery. What were the Zedekiah's kids' final visions or memories? After death, what would they eternally recall of earth's justice and beauty and hope? Hell is determined to keep my eyes and heart blackened by the outlook of a godless future. How eternally shameful it would be for me to be complicit with that goal, to not challenge that perspective wherever I find it.

P (Prayer)

Jesus, You know this pain Yourself. Preceding Your murder, Your final sights of Your beloved creation were our sneers. Your final sounds of your creation were our murderous, contemptuous mockeries. Father, You will suffer the eternal goodbyes, the unending departures of souls that reject Your patience and grace. I cant comprehend Your pain. I want to deny it. I want to flee from it. Tell me, on this Good Friday, how should respond? May people's most recent memories of me be helpful to them.

Wild Love, Prepped for Cultivation

S

(Jeremiah 2:2) Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem, Thus says the Lord, "I remember the devotion of your youth, your love as a bride, how you followed Me in the wilderness, in a land not sown . . . "

O

God remembers with deep and tender delight Israel's respondent love with Him as they discovered the joys of His presence and the depths of His goodness. He compared their 40 years of separation from the world (chronicled in Exodus) to that of an excellent honeymoon of lovers. He designed that experience so that all distractions were removed: "they followed Him into a land unsown and uncultivated." It was a latently rich land.

A (Psychological)

In studying the effects of trauma, scientists have discovered two of our memory storage systems: Narrative and Implicit. Narrative is a language-based, highly structured storage and retrieval system. Implicit (even located separately in the brain) is a non-language-based storage system where highly charge emotional memories--primarily of the senses--are stored. PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is largely a breakdown between these memory systems. In peaceful, safe relationships healing and reorganization of these memories can occur. It involves using language to sort and provide meaning to these powerful, survival-charged memories. That describes, too, the value of wilderness times with the Lord. In the peacefulness of His presence, His Word brings meaning and value and right-thinking. He heals our brains as He sets us up to become better equipped for life back in the noisy, distracting world.

A (Personal)

I, too, remember my "honeymoon" with the Lord. Primarily, in college, late at night I'd walk a path into a nearby forested, overgrown creek bank. It was isolated behind offices that were used during the day. There, kneeling or sitting on a fallen log, I'd cry out to God, offering myself wholly to Him. There I practiced repentance and intercession. There, with my whole adult life, latent and uncultivated ahead of me, I discovered spiritual waiting, longing, yielding, and resolving. There I took my first baby steps in becoming known with a spiritual identity and purpose.

P

Master, Savior, Lord ... This day, too, is full of unseen possibilities. May the good seeds sown by Your Word then and newly sown today to bear fruit in the fullness of Your calendar. Help my devotion to remain alive and without disease and without me becoming a dead artifact of history. I am ready to follow You again today--even into a barren wilderness because even there You're ready to create a rich garden.

Shiny Objects

S

(Daniel 1:1,2) In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim King of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar King of Babylon came to Jerusalem and beseiged it. And the Lord gave Jehoiakim King of Judah into his hand, with some of the vessels of the house of God. And he brought them to Shinar, to the house of his god, and placed them in the treasury of his god.

O

Clearly missing from this historical account, this inventory of plunder, is the description of the royal family (literally, "seed of the kingdom") that was captured and transported to Babylon. They were clearly part of Nebuchadnezzar's plunder (2 Kings 23:28-24:17), but Daniel did mention the temple's vessels and implements of worship. The point seems very clear: if the very stones of the temple represent the costly, living building blocks of God's kingdom (the precious, living people as cited in 1 Peter 2:1-12), how much more do the gold vessels, the incense altar, the bread table, and the lamps represent the greater splendor of God's glory. In the relocation of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah (and others), we see the actual rather than the symbolic treasures of God's house.

A (Personal)

Although their evil father's name was changed from "God Establishes" to "Jehovah Establishes," both names were incongruent with his character and role in the kingdom. As well, he sported the name of king and father, but failed to truly be either the king or father. In contrast, the best of the Hebrew youth had their godly names changed to pagan names, but their temple and kingdom names and roles remained unchanged, pure, undefiled. How? Very likely because they heard Jeremiah's words and they listed seriously to Ezekiel, their fellow-captive. However they heard God's Word, they chose to have a living relationship with God. So do I.

A (Psychological)

When describing family as our means of greatest influence on each other, McGoldrick, Gerson, and Shellenberger wrote (Genograms: Assessment and Intervention, 2nd ed. pp. 6-7): "A family systems perspective views families as inextricably interconnected. Neither people nor their problems or solutions exist in a vacuum. All are inextricably interwoven into broader interactional systems, the most fundamental of which is the family. The family is the primary and, except in rare instances, most powerful system to which we humans ever belong. In this framework, 'family' consists of the entire kinship network of at least three generations as it currenly exists and as it has evolved through time. . . . The physical, social, and emotional functioning of family members is profoundly interdependent, with changes in one part of the system reverberating in other parts. . . . Thus, a systemic perspective involves assessing the problem on the basis of these multiple contextual levels. . . . Families repeat themselves." This perspective helps me see that my influence, for good or for bad, has significant impact far beyond the immediacy of my current relationships or experiences.

P

Lord, You establish us not for our own, private glory, but for Your glory to be displayed through our humble lives within the context of Your multigenerational, multiethnic mission. You want Your glory displayed through people, throughout all the earth (Psalm 72:19; Isaiah 6:3; Malachi 1:1-14). I understand Your Words but I don't fully grasp what You want to do through me, so I offer myself to You, believing that You see me as a treasured vessel for Your glory. May I display Your majesty today as a living stone and as an implement that promotes Your worship to those fellow-treasures around me?

Of Peace Officers and Bosses

S

(Isaiah 60:17c) I will make your overseers peace and your taskmasters righteousness.

O

Here, the Holy Spirit is speaking to the church--His redeemed people. They had been suffering in an unjust, unrighteous community, but despite that decided to obey God's call to remain good and to live in His light. The word overseer is a Hebrew word that means officer, one who visits to inspect and review, and through superior power and authority, creates appropriate changes. The word taskmaster is a Hebrew word that means one who drives animals, debtors, and armies ... it's someone who tyrannizes.

A (Psychological)

Jung, Erickson, Friesen, and many others have suggested the importance of mastering specific developmental tasks for the various ages and stages of life. These are undoubtedly important. They are undoubtedly important parts of how God created us. It's exciting to know that God has customized tasks for us, too. After all, "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in" (Ephesians 2:10).

A (Personal)

Life as we've experienced it, with all its sinful selfishness, gives us an all-too-familiar understanding of cruel overseers and taskmasters. Even worse, we sometimes discover that we can become like that ourselves. However, by loving God in spirit and in truth, we discover God's eternal oversight. He's a very different kind of taskmaster--His attributes are absolute opposites of oppression. The product of heeding this Taskmaster is righteousness is peace and pure goodness.

P

Loving Lord, help! You are my "Peace Officer," the one who knows me well, the one who tests me so my heart learns to be focused on You (Jeremiah 12:3). Neglecting You is like walking with rocks in my shoes. It's like trying to sleep with sharp sticks spiking me through my sleeping bag. There's no peace apart from Your presence. So, Good Taskmaster, teach me to master the righteous tasks You designed for me. Teach me to be good, like You. I cannot imagine a better Lord than You.

O Give Thanks to the Lord, For He Is Good

S (Scripture)
Whoever is wise, let him consider [i.e., distinguish] these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the Lord (107:43).

O (Observation)
This psalm blossoms hope amidst four broad categories of human anguish: Being lost and lonely (107:4,5), being imprisoned by hard labor (107:10-16), being sickened by sinful appetites (107:17-22), and being storm-strewn by external, destructive forces (107:23-32). Each description concludes with good news that when such sufferers cry out to God, He hears and heals. Additionally, their appropriate response is to discern God's good and merciful role in their lives and to thank Him for it.

A (Application--Personal)
I want to skip the affliction and move permanently into blessing and happiness. But that's impossible. Without discerning God's goodness in the midst of the affliction, I'm incapable of being thankful to Him. Without being thankful to Him, it's impossible for me to be truly healed of my affliction or to be truly happy. Without that such thankfulness, I remain trapped in my own doubts, which keeps me locked in those stations of human anguish.

A (Application--Psychological)
J. Eric Gentry describes how, when one's brain perceives threat, the sympathetic nervous system escalates, which activates the fight-or-flight response, creates chronic muscle tension, increases hypervigilance, diminishes brain functioning, decreases language and speech (intentional thought), increases reactivity, and increases intimacy intolerance. This isn't good. To avoid that, when the person discerns a higher and benevolent meaning that transcends the threat or the pain, the parasympathetic nervous system becomes dominant instead. This can reverse (or avoid) the the symptoms described in the sympathetic nervous system.

P (Prayer)
Lord, as much as I don't like pain, as much as I try to avoid threats, You'd probably think that I'd trust You more. My imagination and doubts all-too-quickly lure me into back-alleys of panic. I'm so glad that Your Word provides me with reasonable hope, so I can trust that fear--despite the current calamity--doesn't have to be the final word on the circumstance. You always have provisions for hope, and I can rest in that . . . literally.